Coping With Grief and Loss

Exhausted

Grief and Loss

Grief and loss are universal. We all experience grief and loss at some point in our lives. In addition to grief from losing a loved one, students may grieve the loss of a job, relationship, physical ability, financial aid, course credit, or loss of entry into an allied health program. Some people may experience sadness, anger, confusion, shock, depression, lack of motivation, sleeplessness, and difficulty in school due to grief and loss. Grief is a unique journey and healing process for each person.

Definition

Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. Often, the pain of loss can feel overwhelming. You may experience all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions, from shock or anger to disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness. The pain of grief can also disrupt your physical health, making it difficult to sleep, eat, or even think straight. These are normal reactions to loss—and the more significant the loss, the more intense your grief will be.

There are many effects of grief in different areas of our lives such as physical, emotional, psychological, behavioral and spiritual.

Impact of Grief

  • Emotional - may include: sadness, yearning, fear, anxiety, guilt, numbness, relief
  • Physical - may include: crying, sighing, headaches, nausea, decreased appetite, trouble sleeping, weakness, aches/pains, weak immune system/illness
  • Cognitive - may include: obsessive thinking, disinterest, trouble concentrating, ruminating on “what if” scenarios, replaying images of loss, confusion, lack of motivation, impaired judgment
  • Spiritual - may include: questioning, anger, spiritual awakening, strengthened faith, rejection of beliefs
  • Social - may include: isolation, detachment, relationship issues, family strain

Myths and Facts

Myth: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.
Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing, it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.

Myth: It’s important to “be strong” in the face of loss.
Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.

Myth: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.
Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.

Myth: Grieving should last about a year.
Fact: There is no specific time frame for grieving. How long it takes differs from person to person.

Myth: Moving on with your life means forgetting about your loss.
Fact: Moving on means you’ve accepted your loss—but that’s not the same as forgetting. You can move on with your life and keep the memory of someone or something you lost as an important part of you. In fact, as we move through life, these memories can become more and more integral to defining the people we are.

How to Deal with the Grieving Process

While grieving a loss is an inevitable part of life, there are ways to help cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief, and eventually, find a way to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.

  1. Acknowledge your pain.
  2. Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions.
  3. Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you.
  4. Seek out face-to-face support from people who care about you.
  5. Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically.
  6. Recognize the difference between grief and depression.

View additional grief and loss online resources.

Stages of Grief

  • Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
  • Anger: “Why is this happening to me?”
  • Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will_____.”
  • Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
  • Acceptance : “I am at peace with what happened.”

These stages of grief are not linear. We circle in and out of these stages, and over time.

“Grief is a unique mixture of fragility and resilience.”David Kessler
“Your grief is as unique as your fingerprint.”Grief.com
“Grief is a time when we try to find our wholeness again.”David Kessler
“Little by little, you start caring, about things both large and small.”David Kessler

TMCC's Counseling Center Can Assist Personal Counseling is available to help students cope with grief and loss.

Make an appointment to meet with a counselor. Please seek immediate assistance if experiencing a crisis.